Broadband Alienation, Questions.

How can your eyes
get so close to mine?
How can your mind
be inside of my mind?

We can both feel one another.
We can “hear” each other’s thoughts.
We can share mental images, dreams.
You can violently, so rapidly sift
through all my episodic memories.

Are you looking for something?

Paralyzed, a puppet of your will.
Once I fought, then chased comfort
in this: both aims, unfulfilled.

Do you have the vaguest notion
of what you’re doing to me?
I want to be angry, enraged, yet I

wonder if you even
have the capacity to understand…

Yet you’re so much more evolved.
Such a higher fucking being,
or so you tell me.
Yet you also claim I’m one of you.

Tell me: what’s the meaning?

Still Afraid of Monsters.

Cast a shadow over
my every waking moment.
Battle to infect my dreams.

Intrude into consciousness
through revenge fantasies,
spontaneous, killer memories.

A haunting echo
that may hide for a time
beneath the thin veneer
of my wasted life,

though inevitably,
triggers reveal
never dissipates,
much less goes away.

Feel like I’m literally
on edge again.
Like a bow pulled back,
tension sustained,

never released, drawn back
further and further,
never to break or give way.

And I just keep my distance.
And I just run away.
Just hide away,

never having the courage
to process this fear, this pain.